baconpancakeslovesfatties
  • Person: Hi, do you want pizza?
  • Person Nobody Likes: No. I'm being healthy. I'm not eating pizza because...
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: It looks so good, but the calories--
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: ...and the fat--
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: Here's a long explanation of my diet...
  • Everyone:
  • Person Nobody Likes: But I wish I could cheat LOL!
  • Everyone:
  • Person Nobody Likes: That stuff is so bad for you, you know? But you have fun!
  • Everyone who has left to go live their lives:
  • Person Nobody Likes: It's the gluten, you know? I don't know what that is, but it's soooooo baaaaaad.
  • Crickets who have come out because it's midnight now:
  • Person Nobody Likes: I cheated and ate an M&M yesterday! I spent an hour at the gym to make up for it but so worth it LOL.
  • Unfeeling universe:
  • Person Nobody Likes: Have you tried using cauliflower instead of bread to make a pizza?
  • Existential dread:
  • Person Nobody Likes: It tastes exactly the same, and it's sooooo much healthier.
  • Death itself:
  • Person Nobody Likes: I'm gonna go drink my soy smoothie now.
  • Person Nobody Likes: It's a small size.
  • Person Nobody Likes: Gotta watch my thighs!
  • Apocalypse, the end of all space and time as we know it, the fathomless void of nothingness:
  • Person Nobody Likes: BUT YOU ENJOY THAT PIZZA, FRIEND.
bibliophilicwitch

bibliophilicwitch:

asksecularwitch:

thesabbit:

cannibalcoalition:

witknitch:

MICHAEL’S AND JOANN’S ARE STARTING TO PUT OUT HALLOWEEN THINGS

I REPEAT, MICHAEL’S AND JOANN’S ARE STARTING TO PUT OUT HALLOWEEN THINGS

THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT: THIS IS NOT A DRILL. 

CAN CONFIRM HAVE RECENTLY SNAPCHATTED AN ENTIRE AISLE OF PUMPKINS

*STARTS PANICKING*

also hancock. just throwing it out there.